hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
