Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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