I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
