just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize