i jhust puked up my retainher.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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