I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My dick has a subreddit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
