At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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