All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
