theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
