i need an iv and a liver transplant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
