wake up i wanna do it froggy style
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
