so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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