She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
