Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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