Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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