the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Someone came in the potted fern
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
