If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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