I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
