that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
