Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
