btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
