Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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