i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
