I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
