$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
