Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drake has all the answers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
