i just had sex bonerless
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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