he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So much Jack, so little girl.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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