rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
