im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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