I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
