im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
where am i from again
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
