I puked a lego.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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