Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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