I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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