brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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