My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
