I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
