no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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