Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize