we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I see more hoeing in ur future
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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