Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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