is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
