I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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