p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
