I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
