I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
