a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
