I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
