I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
