It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have started to decorate penises.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
