Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize