I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
