jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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