i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
operation have a gay friend backfired
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize