Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
