i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
