Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I could punch you in the face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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