i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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