Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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