I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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