why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize