If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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