I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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