I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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