Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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