oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
