im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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