PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
