I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
