I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
