So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
