He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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