I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize