I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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