How'd it feel making her break her religion?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
